Not clicking with your maternity carer: what can you do?
11-09-2026 — Kraamplein
It happens, and it isn't strange
Maternity care is people work: you get to know each other in a very short time, in one of the most personal situations there is — your home, your recovery, your newborn child. So if it sometimes simply doesn't click, that isn't odd and says nothing about you or about her. Don't feel guilty about it; the purpose of the maternity week is for you to have a good, restful week.
Step 1: say it directly
The first and often most effective step is simply naming it. Your maternity carer can't guess what you'd like differently — and precisely because you barely know each other yet, it helps her enormously to hear what does and doesn't feel comfortable.
Keep it concrete and about yourself: not 'you're doing it wrong', but 'I'd appreciate it if you let me try first before taking over', or 'I really need an hour of rest in the afternoon'. Often one such conversation is enough.
Step 2: call the maternity care organisation
Doesn't that help, or does having the conversation feel too uncomfortable in your situation? Then call the maternity care organisation as soon as possible — or have your partner do it. The earlier you report it, the more room there is to arrange something; waiting until day five of an eight-day maternity week makes it harder.
You don't need to avoid this conversation out of fear of getting someone into trouble: this is a normal signal that organisations deal with regularly.
Switching is possible, but bear availability in mind
In practice, such a report usually gets you a different maternity carer. The same caveat applies here as with illness, though: during busy periods or shortages in the region, a replacement isn't always immediately available (see What if your maternity carer gets sick?). An organisation can do its best, but can't promise the impossible.
In the meantime, bring in help yourself too
Regardless of how it works out: lean extra on your own network during such a week. Your partner may be able to take birth leave, and family or friends are often glad to help once you say what you need.
In short
- Not clicking happens and is no reason to feel guilty.
- Name it directly first, concretely and about yourself — often that's already enough.
- If that doesn't help: call the maternity care organisation as soon as possible, or have your partner do it.
- Switching is usually possible, but availability plays a role during busy periods.
- Meanwhile, lean extra on your partner, family and friends.
Also read What to look out for when choosing maternity care?
This article is general and informational and may be out of date or incomplete. It is not medical or personal advice; for your situation, what your midwife, GP or maternity care provider says applies. You cannot derive any rights from the content, and Kraamplein accepts no liability for damage arising from its use.
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